Any conversation has the potential to be a crucial conversation. In the book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, the authors define such conversations as a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. In one brief instant any conversation can become crucial. While we may feel angry, scared, or hurt, it is important to look inward. Locate your North Star, your original purpose. Ask yourself these four critical questions:
- What do I really want for myself?
- What do I really want for others?
- What do I really want for the relationship?
- How would I behave if I really wanted these results?
Remember crucial conversations transform people and relationships. It’s not my way or your way, it is a new way—a better way.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill
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As we refine our Collaboration Days, we are often in crucial conversations. As witnessed today, there is the tool vs. use dilemma with this event. We will not be spending as much time on this topic at next week's meeting, but if we have any other conversations like that, I will try to remember those four questions and even pose them to the group.
ReplyDeleteGood point Ann! When we are part of a group and collaborating, conversations often become crucial. Often it is because everyone brings a unique perspective to the table. This is where synergy comes into play; the whole is greater than the sum of its parts! Sometimes we need to step back and remember that!
ReplyDelete"Change happens one conversation at a time." -- Margaret Wheatley
ReplyDeleteI think that sums it up... if we are willing to engage others we will have conflict, that's inevitable. However, conversation also allows us to deepen understanding and build consensus.
Maybe I am a slow learner, but rarely has a great epiphany occurred during a single conversation. My experience has been a deep insight results from a series of conversations.